out pastoring the pastors

pastors are a strange enough breed on their own, but the seminary pulls them all together, for better or worse, till Fs do us part. one of the most interesting things to watch is seminarians looking to out pastor the rest of the future pastoral fields. and there is no shortage of opportunities for competitive pastoring.

some examples:

praying in class - the professor asks a seminarian to pray. perhaps prayer requests are solicited. the obviously anointed seminarian prepares their voice for prayer and every eye is closed and every head is bowed. what happens next is the prayer of a late-19th century preacher at a tent meeting trying, through their prayer alone, to win the soul of every human within hearing distance. the vocabulary transcends current earthly languages. the tone deep and full (even the ladies pray this way). the prayer is given as though their grade depends on this particular sanctified soliloquy. two lines in, the class is no longer listening to the earnest words of the prayer but wondering whether the prayer-giver really thinks it necessary to out pray anyone whose ever prayed before.

singing hymns - seminary worship comes to order and the announcements are given. the organ fires up and begins dragging melodiously monotonously through a hymn at half one-eighth the speed the hymn should actually be played. then the lone chorister begins majestically hilariously leading their captive chorus. arms flailing just within their control the song oozes on. seminarians throughout the auditorium are proclaiming the message of the gospel in song as loudly as possible. one has the vocal reach of a tugboat signaling its moves. another sounds like a freight train barreling through a tiny midwestern town. all parts are covered and no fewer than half are singing their way to salvation.

practical pastoral ministry - without fail the class conversation turns to "real" ministry and application of knowledge and ideas in local churches. God forbid someone who has actually pastored in a church be given any consideration, though. you share your experience in your church and suddenly those who have only sat in pews feel it their God-directed mission to explain how you have no clue what it takes to lead a church. "you just need to exert the natural authority of your position as pastor," they say. "i've seen this work before," they add. in your mind you imagine them being tar-and-feathered at their very first elder's meeting, not to mention what would happen at their first board meeting. unfortunately for you they were in your class to help set you straight. and don't worry, you'll also get to spend the next 2.5 years in the same classes so they can continue to impart such ministerial gems to you for your files.

there are more examples, certainly. this barely scratches the surface. let us know your favorite "out pastoring the pastor" moment(s) in the comments.